From Cana To Monday Morning

Donald E Coleman 0:21

Okay, welcome back. And I must tell you, we are reaching some of the final episodes in this series. If you don't remember, the series is called Loved to Love, living the sacred rhythm of agape, agape tose, and agapeo. And our focus in these last couple of episodes, what we're going to focus on is really zeroing in on living agapow in the dailiness of life. And I think it's important to understand this, right? Agapo is the love that flows out of us because we have been filled. But before we get started, let's let me go an overview, right? Because in the last five to eight episodes, we covered a lot of ground, right? So in those previous episodes, we stood at Cana, remember, and we watched the formation architect unfold the six ceremonial jugs, the canonic emptying, the filling to the brim, the spirit-led drawing out, or Holy Spirit-led drawing out, the wine that appeared without an announcement. Notice Jesus said, fill it to the brim, and then he said, draw some out, and then it was there. We received the canonical statement that expressed the full arc of the Christian life. There's some awesome stuff that we covered, and we closed with a truth that I hope you've been sitting with. And I'm going to remind you what that truth is right now. We are a ceremonial jar designed for a sacred purpose, and we're being filled to the brim, and the water that's in you is becoming wine. And the bridegroom has saved the best for now. Just sit with that. You are that jar, I am that jar. We're all that jar, and we've been designed for a sacred purpose. And the first step in that purpose is being filled to the brim, which is synonymous with formation. But today we're going to bring everything home. Like in these next episodes, we're going to bring it to where the rubber meets the road, not to a theological conclusion, but to the table, to the workplace, to the marriage, and to a difficult conversation, or to the child who needs a parent that is present, or to a friend who needs someone who's not performing or keeping score. Because all the theology we have been building, all the Greek precision, all the canar architect, and the canonic formation was never meant to stay in the realm of the intellectual. I want to make sure you understand this. And the word of God became flesh and dwelt among us. If you don't get anything from me or anything else from these podcast episodes, remember every time you listen, the goal of that word is for it to become flesh, to be lived out in your life. And it was always meant, when we think about everything that we learned over these last couple of months, was always meant to get us to this point right here, in the ordinary, on Monday morning, when you're going into the office, in the moment when a person in front of you is difficult, and the love required is more than you feel you have. This is where a Godow lives. Not in a sermon, not in this podcast or in a podcast, but in the dailiness of life being formed and flowing outward every single moment of our days. Or let me say it this way, because you've heard me say this before. And shape our attention. Because the more we learn about scripture and about God, it should draw us to be more with God as a person, to be in presence with God. And that's the key.

Ordinary Moments Become Holy Invitations

Donald E Coleman 7:01

And I pray that you're getting all of this from everything that I'm doing here. Because if you're not, then I missed the mark. Because the goal here was always that this word of God becomes flesh. Now, here's the thing: in the ordinariness of a ga-pau, one of the most important things we can understand about it, about a ga-pal, especially after like really understanding it from a theological perspective, like we've broken down over the last couple of months, is that it is deeply and stubbornly and what's the word, mundanely ordinary. Once you get past all of the Greek and you really like settle in, it's like living. But what happens is in everyday life, what we didn't realize before is we're giving opportunities to consent to living and allowing God to flow through us. So one of the things that I want you to understand, the closer you get to God and the more formation you get, and the more you start embracing God in the stillness, what's gonna happen is those spaces of opportunities that God presents us with every day, we are gonna start to notice them first. And I imagine if you've been with me long enough, you have noticed those opportunities. And then the more you stay in presence, or the more you become intentional about turning towards God and directing your attention that God is with you in all things, those moments of opportunity, the space that used to be very quick, starts to be longer. And they last longer. Why? Because you are recognizing that God is not out there, God is right here with you and me always in the present moment. I just want you to hold on to that. Every time something doesn't go the way we think it is, that is an opportunity from God sent through the Holy Spirit for us to consent or use the canonic worship and let go that we may come back as the jar to be filled with God's love so that it flows out of us. Now, here's the key because remember, there's the 143 uses of Agapao in the New Testament are not describing a grand spiritual gesture. They're not. And once you get this list and you understand what this list is revealing, you will see a lot of times if you go back and you start reading in the NIV, the word will show up and you'll start to see it in multiple different ways, just like agapetose. We never you won't see agapetos in the in the uh NIV. What you will see is dear friend or brother and sisters. So when you start to see that level of intimacy, the writers are telling us the use of that word is agapito. So they're saying that you are connected from a Christian perspective, you're connected to God and someone else in a right relationship. That's what the use is. And I really want you to hold on to that, right? And I go deeper into it in the book that I talked about, Beloved of God, the truth that changes everything, which is going to be released October 22nd, somewhere around that range. And I'll make sure that I start putting links in in the podcast for you to pick it up if you want. And all 320 references to the use of agape, agape tos, and agapau are in the book listed for you. So, but here's what I want you to get the 143 uses of agape in the New Testament, they're describing the texture of daily life and the kingdom. Love your neighbor. That's a god, that right? So notice it's a verb. Agapow your neighbor. You got it? Love your enemy, agapow your enemy. Love one another, agapow one another. Love your spouse, agapow your spouse. Do you see how it's all there? So that word love, we take it in the English, it's just like, okay, love, but we think it's more from a human perspective, love. No, but the Greek allows us to understand that that love that the writers are talking about, Paul is expressing, John, Peter is expressing, is the love of God flowing out of us towards someone else. It's not us doing it. And the moment we start to understand this, we will see a difference in our walk with God and with others. Because here's the thing: these are not extraordinary assignments. Love your enemy, love one another, love your spouse. They're not extraordinary assignments. They are the daily assignments of any person who has received agapitos, their belovedness, and is in the process of being formed and shaped into agapeton. It's available. And in if you're like me, right, most of the time we've been taught that we got to will this thing, we got to really work it. No, I'm telling you, yes, we do have a part in it, but through the canonic act of worship, God teaches us by letting go and him filling us, that love begins to flow out of us. So now it's not our strength trying to do this thing, it's God flowing in and through us, and the word of God became flesh and dwelt among us. So Jesus did not model the Gapau primary in spectacular moments, He modeled it at the tables, in conversations, on the road, and in the middle of interruptions, in the ordinary relational moments that make up the fabric of human life, Jesus modeled a God Pow. I want you to get that. Because the key is the formation journey we have been describing here is not preparation for a special calling. No, I hope not. It is preparation for tomorrow, for the conversation you didn't choose to have, or for the text that you receive and throws you off. You see, that's the key. Yeah, we all know that person, and it's designed for the moment when the jar is asked to be poured out or to allow the filling

No Condemnation Versus True Conviction

Donald E Coleman 15:31

to flow out, and you discover to your own surprise this, that there is actually something there to give. See, I was having this discussion yesterday, and I want to make sure that I share this with you because I was talking about formation, but I was talking about how the Spirit of God actually flows. Because a lot of times when you are willing to do something, like you're using your will and your strength, over time, it feels heavy. It feels burdensome. And when you miss it, you're like, oh man, I should have done better. Right? Because that's you. And this is what Jesus is talking about in Matthew 11, 28, when he said, Come on to me, all you who are heavy laden. If you've put all this pressure on yourself to live this word and to be a good Christian, you are burdening yourself. And Jesus said, Come on to me. My yoke is easy and my burdens are light. You are going to have to do some work and you're going to have to consent and you're going to have the will to do this. But Jesus is showing us that there's a way that we can be shaped and formed, and it is done through a spirit of grace, not a spirit of tearing us down. And notice, I want to make sure that we I say this out loud. The Holy Spirit is not keeping tabs on you, not counting up, okay, Donald, you missed it seven times today, or you missed it a hundred times today, or you shouldn't have done that or that. If it's coming in that manner and it feels like condemnation, like a weight, then I'm going to tell you that we have a problem here. There's a challenge going on here because Romans, Paul taught us in Romans, he said, therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And condemnation and conviction are not the same. And to tell you what the difference is in a very simple way, condemnation brings a weight. It feels like bondage, it feels like shame. Conviction feels from the perspective of causing change. But there's a change that it causes a change with a flowing and a feeling of love, not a pointing of a finger, but here, let me walk with you, let me show you. And that is most important. I pray that you get that now. Because if you're not, if you're not experiencing that, then let's go back over this. Let's repeat this because Jesus said, I came that you might have life and life more abundantly. John 10, 10. The abundant life is a life that is a life of love, peace, joy, patience, long-suffering. It's not a life where it feels like someone has a magnifying glass over you. That's not the gospel. I want you to get this. This, everything that we're doing, it's called daily living for Christ for a reason. Because daily we live for Christ. And once that day is over, yesterday's done today. Now faith is. It's always living in the present moment with God. Maybe that's what we need today. Maybe that's what this is all about. Reminding you to stay and to keep bringing yourself back into the present moment where God is, where agape is. You see, because that to me is everything. Without God's love being with me in every moment, I don't know what I would do. I don't know how I can love my wife, how I can love my kids, how can I just be be and with all everything else that's going on around me? Why? How I can do it, not why, but how is because I have God, I have Christ, and I am led by the Holy Spirit. Romans 8, 14. It says, those that are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. And I have chosen, I consent daily, and I choose every single moment of the day, as much as I possibly can, and I miss it every day, but I choose to be led by the Spirit. And when I don't, the Holy Spirit is there to love me, not to punish me. So whoever needed that, this is for you. And just go back and listen to the episodes. Start with episode one that on this series, it said, loved past tent to love. That's the key. It's living in the four frameworks. Now, let's talk about Agapow

Agapao At Work Without Performing

Donald E Coleman 21:16

at work, right? Because a lot goes on at work, right? And I just it's like we spend so much of our life there. Like when you think about it, 160 hours minimum a week, I mean a month, 40 hours a week, we're there. And so much goes on inside of work that at times work may sneak in and become identity. And if it has, I hopefully this series has brought you back to understand that our identity, we are the beloved of God. God beloves us, God loves us, God desires a relationship with us. Our identity is signed, sealed, and delivered in God for eternity, never ever to change. It's not what we do or how much we have. God initiated it. He pursued us and gave us a name, beloved, or the agapitos, before we were ever created. So here, and I'm jumping here, but I want you to get this. This is just flowing out. So somebody needs it because the key here is agape at work. And let me just for a moment here. What would it look like if more of God's love started to flow out of you at work? Not you forcing it out, but it just naturally started to flow out. I want you to hold on to that. Because that's what God is saying is possible. All this series brought us to the point where this, what we're going to be talking about, is the word becoming flesh. All the teaching going into the daily life. So most of us, again, I talked about it. We spend more waking hours at work than anywhere else, which means the workplace is one of the primary arenas where a GAPOW is either practiced or abandoned, often within the first hour of the day. I just want you to think about that. You come in, you pull up your email, and it's the first email there. Or it's the boss that sent the email at nine o'clock the night before, and it's sitting right there waiting for you. I just want you to hold on to that because the protective self at work is easy to recognize in hindsight, looking backwards. It is the person who cannot receive criticism without shutting down or striking back. Because criticism feels like a threat to an identity that is at stake or staked in performance. And here's the thing is I want you to start notice performance is one of those things that shows up at work. Intellect or knowing it all is one of those things that shows up. Here's another one. It is also in the person who takes credit carefully and shares it reluctantly. Because visibility is the only currency that feels like security. It's in the person. Here's another one. It's in the person who cannot say no to a request. This is what we call the pleaser. Because disappointing a colleague or a supervisor activates a level of internal distress that feels unmanageable. So all of those are signs of the protective self. But here's the key: living in the beloved self or beloved self-doing at work looks different. Not because the person has become conflict avoidant or spiritually passive, but because their sense of worth is no longer determined by the outcome of any particular meeting, project, or evaluation. See, this is where the power comes in. When you know that you are beloved and loved by God, the creator of the universe, it changes everything. And when I say no, I'm not saying intellectually knowing. I'm saying you know in your heart, in your spirit, that you are the beloved of God. And that cannot and will not change. Just want you to get that. And from a beloved self-doing, they can disagree without needing to win. They can overlook without needing to be reinstated. They can perform a task without having to be acknowledged. And they can carry difficult news without being destroyed by the response. Now, let me throw this question out. Have you noticed these two types of people at work? And in some cases, have you noticed yourself showing up in either the protective or the beloved self? But that's the beauty of what God is doing, He's forming and shaping you into beloved. And let me say this: the first thing I will say to you is that you will not notice this in yourself first. Others will notice the change in you and start to comment about how you're showing up. And that is confirmation that it is not you. You're not striving to do this. Does that make sense? Because here's the key. Because what does a ga pow look like at work? It looks like the colleague who stays late, not because they need to be seen as dedicated, but because a fellow team member needs their help and the help is genuinely available. It looks like the leader who gives credit freely, not as a strategy for appearing humble, but because their identity is not located in the credit. Because the voice that matters most has already spoken over them. And it looks like the one who notices the person in the room who is struggling, who's had a rough day, who seems off today, not as a performance of compassion, but as a natural outflow of a heart that has been filled with the same awareness God has of every person in that room. Are you noticing the difference? So the workplace, our workplace is not a distraction from the formation journey. Actually, it's the gym, it's the place where God will probably do lots of the work because we're around multiple different people and multiple different temperaments. The key here is understanding that it is one of the primary classrooms for formation. Every difficult colleague, every moment of being overlooked, every invitation to compete rather than collaborate, each one is an invitation to draw from the jar and let the wine appear. Are you getting that? I just want you to sit with that. Do you see how powerful this is? Like when you really understand that, if you grab a hold of all the opportunities that has been presented to you at work, what is that doing for you now? I want you to just take a moment to sit with that and allow it to really reflect on you those opportunities, but don't allow condemnation to come and say, oh, you've missed it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Now I want you to become intentional about those opportunities when they come.

Marriage As The Formation Graduate Program

Donald E Coleman 32:02

Now I want to talk about a big one here, and we're gonna we're gonna end on this one tonight is agapeow in marriage. And listen, if you're not married, if you're not married, don't worry about it. Eventually, if you plan on getting it, here's the key. This is gonna show up. I'm gonna say agapow in relationships. Because if the workplace is the classroom for Agapow, marriage, in essence, is the graduate program. There is no relationship in human experience that exposes the protective self more or in fullness that offers more opportunities for formation of the agapitan than marriage. The two become one because marriage requires the sustained daily practice of loving a specific person who has seen your worst, who has experienced the cost of your wounds, and who has remained, or who is still deciding whether to remain. But I want you to get Paul's instructions in Ephesians 5, 25, because a lot of people, when you talk about Ephesians 5, it's like it gets, I don't know, we can go in a lot of different ways with this, but I want to really bring some insight here. It says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. It's not a command to feel a certain way. I want you to grab that. Love that serves from strength, that does not keep score, that remains through difficulty, that does not require perfection as the price of presence. But I want you to get this. But here's the key, and this is where I think we've missed it. And I'm gonna speak it, I'm just gonna put it out there because this is why God is allowing us to get this information. Because here is what most merits teaching misses. Because when you don't understand what that word agapau means, and that it's there when it says love, it changes everything. And Paul assumed when he wrote his words, this kind of love isn't produced by better communication skills, it isn't produced by better conflict resolution categories or even more date nights. It's not, it's produced by formation, it flows from agapitos, it flows from knowing that you are beloved, it flows from a person who has received enough of the father's love of agape, that they no longer require their spouse to be the primary source of their identity, their security, their worth, or esteem. Let me let me say that again. This kind of love flows from formation, it is produced by formation, it flows from agapitos, from a person who has received enough of the Father's love filled, fill me, filled to the brim, that they no longer require their spouse to be the primary source of their identity, security, worth, or esteem. I can't be that for my wife. As much as I want to try, I can't. And we now live from this understanding that that I can't feel, that I can love you with all of my human love. But to go to the depth that you and me that we need, that is reserved for God. No one can take that place, and God's not going to allow them to take that place. So this is what loved to love is all about. It's understanding that the more we spend time in presence and in the present moment with God and Jesus and with the Holy Spirit, we get filled to the brim. And what happens when the when it's filled to the brim, it begins to overflow in every aspect of our lives. And here's the key the most common dynamic and struggling marriages is to protect themselves living in close proximity. Each require that the other from the other what God can give, each keeping score of what has not been returned, each loving to manage their own fear rather than to genuinely serve the other. This is not a marriage problem. This is a formation problem. And it's not a doctrinal problem either. And it has a formation answer. I want you to get this. It's not a marriage problem because if I'm showing up in my protective self and you're showing up in your protective self, it's never gonna balance. Somebody's gotta be willing to consent to God, not to the other person. Consent to God. And what does consent do? Let go so that we might be filled. I just want you to try this. And it's gonna be hard at first, but that's okay. The argument's gonna show up, and instead of arguing, instead of wanting to get you away, you say, you know what, honey, you're right in this one. We don't need to argue about this one. I I want to let this one go and still be present in that conversation and still be present for your husband. Not, oh, I want to let this go and then go in the room and close the door. No, that's not it. Letting go means I can still be present, and my facial expression and the love that flows out of me remains the same. So let's dive into this. Let me give you a couple of examples. What a ga pow looks like in marriage. You ready? All right. Now, this is probably gonna be the highlight here. It looks like the spouse who can hear their partner's criticism without hearing it as a verdict of their worth. Good Lord DK. How many of us can do this? Yeah, in our own strength, none of us. But we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. You got it? Let me see, let me read this again now. It looks like the spouse who can hear their partner's criticism without hearing it as a verdict on their worth, because their worth has already been settled elsewhere in God. It also looks like the one who apologizes without immediately following up with a counter charge. Because the same forgiveness they received has already closed the ledger. Yeah, I forgive you, but no, that's not forgiveness. I let go of it now, but no, that's not letting go. You see what's happening? This is what agape looks like. Agape looks like the exact opposite that. It also looks like two people who can be genuinely present to each other's pain, not managing it, not fixing it, not retreating from it, because their interior life, their inner life, is full enough to hold space for suffering without being consumed by it. That's what all these lessons have been building inside of us. And if you didn't get it, it's okay. Go back and listen to them again. All of it is building up to this. It looks like Jesus at John 21 pursuing the one who has failed, Peter, not from the erasance or erasing of the wound, but from a love, from a God that is greater than the womb, coming back, asking three times, not to shame, but to restore. I want you to get that. Because I'm gonna pause here. This is we're gonna end it right here. I don't want to rush through this. Pause here with me.

Guided Breath And Next Steps

Donald E Coleman 43:27

Breathe. And I want you to think of a relationship in your life that most activates the protective self in you, the one where love has felt most like labor, like a burden, not with shame. I don't want you to look at this with shame, just with honest clarity through the eyes of your understanding being enlightened. Now, I want you to ask, what is that relationship asking of me that only a formed agapitan can give? And what would it look like to return to Agapitos, our belovedness, before the next encounter? To come to that relationship from the father's love rather than from the wound. Now breathe in. A lot came in. Breathe out slowly, nice. Breathe in. Breathe out nice now. Breathe in. I receive the father's love for myself. Exhale, I carry that love into the relationship that needs it most. Again, I receive the father's love for myself. Exhale, I carry that love into the relationship that needs it most. Now, I hope you're excited about this because this is life-changing stuff, y'all. And this is where everything works. All the formation comes to this. So in the next episode, we're going to talk about a ga pow in parenting. Not just little kids, but even our adult kids. And then we'll get into a ga pow in friendships. But until then, listen to me stay the course and keep living daily for Christ.