Welcome Back And The Journey

Donald E Coleman 0:21

All right, everybody. Welcome back. Welcome back. I'm excited to keep going. And I don't know about you, but the last episode was pretty powerful. And if you haven't listened to it, go check it out or listen to it again. How the protective self hijacks love and how to heal. Right? So when you start to think about where we're going and what we have been led to has been absolutely amazing. And I was just sitting here pondering on it has been almost a year. Actually, it's over a year. It was in June 20th of 2025 when we got the invitation to shift. And we and I recorded the episode The Four Extraordinary Blessings of a New Life Part One. And all of 2025 was an extremely what's the word I'm looking for, was an extremely beautiful, unexpected year. Because we started the year out with the, I don't know, the focus was an invitation into wholeness, what God has planned for 2025. And somewhere along the way, it was in around June or so, it went from an invitation into wholeness into the journey of wholeness. And we have been living there ever since. So I said all of that because I want to pick up exactly where we left off last week because it was it was profound. And now what I want to focus on is I want to focus first and foremost in the beginning of this episode is the cost of the protective self doing. All right. So now the cost of protective self doing. Now everything would be incomplete to name the protective self or the patterns of the protective self without naming their cost.

Naming The Cost Without Fear

Donald E Coleman 3:13

And it would be actually misleading on my part if I didn't actually step into this. And here's the thing: this is not to produce fear. Because if you hang with me on this episode, you're going to see the ability to name is actually the transition into living from your beloved self. And I know for me, for a long time, I stayed with that thing, is trying to press it down, right? Trying to take every thought captive, not understanding what that scripture actually meant. But over the last year, the Holy Spirit has taught me as I have spoken to you directly about this, what I get, you receive, and how to actually approach this. Because the key here is that because many people will live their entire Christian life in protective self-doing and never understand why their faith feels like labor rather than life. For my yoke is easy and my burdens are light. But why is it at times we feel like we are carrying a heavy load when it comes to our spirituality? Why does it always feel like we only receive momentary victories and then we're back at the battle again? All of this is saying something to us. But what God is teaching us in this new season or this new age, this awakening, which is what I've been calling the tsunami of agape, God is actually refocusing how we see things or answering Paul's prayer in Ephesians, that the eyes of all understanding may be enlightened, that we may know what is the hope of his calling for us, and what is the exceeding greatness of his power that is available to us who believe. So up until this point, it doesn't matter. Everything up until this point really doesn't matter. Why? Because God used everything up until this point to work together for our good, right? Romans says that God uses all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called by his name. And I believe you love the Lord. That's why you're listening to this podcast. So you came here and are called by his name. You wouldn't be here if you weren't called by his name, if you didn't hear the voice. Even if you're a seeker, you have been called because you're hearing, you're responding to that internal voice. You're responding to the very voice of God that's saying to you, come home. And I want you to hold on to that come home. Because as I break this down for you, it's it might get emotional. But I want you to understand that God is present with you. In the emotion, God is present. In the grief that might show up, God is present. And if he's allowing it to show up, and if he's allowing it to come up, that means healing is present. And I want you to hold on to that. All right. This is what I feel strongly about what's about this episode. There's a lot in here. Now I'm talking about the cost. Now it's not in any order. So here's the cost: it cost us intimacy. When we are constantly managing

When Performance Kills Intimacy

Donald E Coleman 8:01

how we are perceived, we cannot truly be known. Right? I just want you to think about that. When we are constantly managing how we are perceived, we cannot be truly known. Because the performing self presents an untrue version of who we are. And the relationships that form around us, that version is not genuine intimacy. Let me say that again. The performing self presents an untrue version of who we are. And the relationships that we form around that version are not genuine intimacy. It is managed proximity. Does this sound familiar? Does this even is it somewhere even in the ballpark where deep down inside you've been wondering about certain relationships that lack the intimacy? And you've been looking outward, but God is saying, let's start looking inward, not from a condemnation perspective, but from an awareness perspective, because that is how the protective self distorts things. Here's another thing: it costs vitality. Love as performance is exhausting in a way that a GOPHOW as overflow is not. Or let me put it this way, human love as performance is exhausting in a way that a Gaphow, divine love flowing out of us in the overflow is not. The reservoir or the container or us as being that container or the metaphor of the reservoir is never replenished because we never get to the place of being full to the brim. Because the replenishment that most of us need is not rest or self-care. See, this is what this is what the protective self is. We'll distort it, right? Self-care. That's another word that's kind of blows my mind, right? Self-care, what does that mean? That means that we are trying to care for ourselves. We are trying to do the work that the Father said that he would do. We are trying to comfort ourselves, the work that the Holy Spirit said that he will do. God, Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit as a comforter, as a teacher. And we are trying to sustain ourselves when Jesus is the only sustainer for us.

Exhaustion And The False Fix

Donald E Coleman 12:12

Because here's the key. I'm going to read that again one more time. Because this one is very, very, very critical to understand. The person living from the protective self is always using from a container or reservoir that is never fully replenished. Because the replenishment they most need is not rest or self-care, it is a deeper encounter with agapitos, with our beloved identity or our belovedness. Just hold on to that. Now, here's another thing: it cost us authenticity. Come on now. It cost us from living our true self or what I've been calling our beloved self. It cost us because we're trying to conform to an environment.

The Armor We Wear At Work

Donald E Coleman 13:21

We put on suits or uniforms. I worked in a credit union space for 20 years. Every day I wore a suit. Not necessarily a tie. Well, the first thing about the first 15 years, every single day I was in a suit and tie. And people would ask me, why do you always wear a suit and tie? And I said, because it's another uniform. But deep down inside is the suit was my armor. It is what I put on for the role that I was in. I just want y'all to get this. I spent four years in the military and we wore uniforms every single day. The uniform identified what we were doing. When we were in garrison, we had on our camis. When we were going to do maintenance on the vehicles, we had on overalls. When we were in the field, we had on our field gear. I took that same mindset into the corporate arena. And the suit was the armor that I put on. It projected for me confidence. It projected for me that I belonged here. And at times I felt like I never belonged there. I felt like I was never accepted or never good enough. And I know some of you listening, you're in that situation right now because you have a boss that actually is doing the very opposite or is actually enforcing and making you feel like you don't belong. Been there, thought about running, but then I realize if you run, you're just taking the baggage with you. And eventually you go to a new place, it's going to show up again because it's not the boss, it's not the environment, it's the protective self distorting and disguising and forcing that blame or passing that blame off for you to look outward versus to pay attention to what's going on inside. So the whole time, it's an invitation from God, and this is what we're doing. We are starting to become intentional and to become aware of the invitations that God is sending our way every single moment of the day. Oh, I wanted you to get this. Because here's the deal: it costs us authenticity because the protective self shapes itself around the needs of its audience, be it at work, family, or church or community. It doesn't matter. It shapes itself or it camouflages or it puts on the uniform for what is needed. The many roles, right? Manager, father, husband, minister, usher, elder, it doesn't matter, seeker. All of that is what protect himself is just aligning with it. And here's the key over time, the person or we lose track of who we actually are, apart from what we do and who we serve. I just want you to get this. If everyone around us started to receive their belovedness as a gift, not something that has to be earned or believed for. Here's another point that it cost. It cost us the relationship with God. And I'm not talking about a surface level relationship, I'm talking about the inner room relationship with God, that same intimacy that I just mentioned, relationship with God.

Performing For God In Prayer

Donald E Coleman 18:48

See, this perhaps might be the most painfully. This is it. This is at the core, y'all, because what is it talking to? It's talking to this distortion talks to who we truly are. It's speaking about our Mago Day. That we were created in the image of God, and most of us don't even realize that we have the God, the creator of the universe living inside of us. We don't live from that place because we're so focused on what we need to do. But that's all changing. The tsunami of agape is awakening a generation to live from belovedness versus living from protective self. And here's the key. What I meant by most painfully is because the protective self brings its pattern into prayer. Ooh, did I just say that? Yes, I did. See, it performs for God, it brings it into prayer, it brings it into worship. I just want you to grab a hold of this. Because the key here is it is performing for God. It gives to God in hopes that the giving will secure love. That the very act of worship, the false sense of worship, will secure love, that the act of serving will secure love. Or better yet, the act of the you know, the the emotions or the consolement that actually happens in worship at times, that that is going to draw God's love towards us. No. Here's what I want you to understand. Why is this, why is this a no? Because agape is unconditional. Agape is free, agape is not earned, and that strategy never produces the security it seeks. See, that's the distortion. Are you catching that? You'll have an amazing time in worship, and you'll have an amazing time in church. And about an hour or so after you leave church, what happens? Reality hits in again. No, that's not it. Didn't John 1010 say that the thief comes to steal, kill, and to destroy? But Jesus said, I have come that you might have life and life more abundantly. Or let me paraphrase this. Jesus said, I have come to reveal life to you, a life that is more abundant. And that life, the good news is is is for us to repent, to change. The way we think, to change the way we do things, and to return home, home, back to the source of the love of God, the agape of God that has been flowing in and through our lives since the moment we were conceived. The love that said, Donald B. The love that said, put your name there, B. And that love is greater than the environment that you were birthed into, the culture that you were birthed into, the wombs that you might have received, the trauma that you might have received, that love, the agape of God, is greater than everything. And the reason why we're holding on to the womb or the trauma or the grief. Now, I'm not dismissing it, is because we never saw that God was in the trauma or the womb or the grief with us. But that's all changing. Because as we start to learn how the protective self is operating, and the protective self, listen to me, I told you this before. It's not bad. The protective self was something that was created psychologically. We created it psychologically to survive in our environments. But there are times, and right now we may not need it. But because it is on automatic pilot, it still thinks it's running the show. And that's no longer the case. Because I don't know about you. No, actually, I do know. If you're listening to this podcast, you have chosen to live from your belovedness. And the question you've been asking is how do I do this? And that's what we are we're here for. To daily, daily living for Christ. That is the purpose. Now, let's check this out here. Let me finish this really quick. I want to make sure I got that point because you see, I'm bouncing here because I'm just flowing. I'm giving you everything that's inside of me. I I want to be empty tonight. So, and because agape is unconditional, this strategy never produces the security it seeks. Only more striving, only more doing, only more exhaustion, dressed up distortion, you catch it, as devotion, as worship, as service. But look at this now. You ready? All right, pay attention to what I'm about to say because naming the cost is not condemnation, it is operating in compassion. Every person living from the protective self deserves to know that there is another way to live. And the other way is not harder, it is freer. This is why Jesus said, repent. Metanoia. Change the way you think, change the direction in which you're going. Or the better way to say it is the way that Thomas Keating would say it. It says, Change the way you are seeking happiness. Change the way that you are seeking security. Change the way that you are seeking control. The three instinctual needs of man. That's what Jesus, when he said repent, he said, go to the go to a different source than what you've been looking for, for happiness, for security, for power and control. Now let's let's let's let's go deeper here. You ready? Because now let's look at what beloved self-doing actually looks like. Are you ready? Here's the key. Beloved self-doing is not the absence of effort.

Beloved Self-Doing Defined

Donald E Coleman 27:07

It is not passivity or spiritual laziness or apathy or the luxury of people whose lives are easy. No, it's not. You're gonna find out because here's the case: you're gonna find out that beloved self-doing is gonna require maybe more from you. And you might find that you're suffering because you're living from a place that you were never used to. And that's where we have to sit in this to get to that place where we no longer are trying to do it, that it begins to flow out of us automatically. So let me let me say that again. Beloved self-doing is not the absence of effort. And here's why I'm repeating this because I know that some of you, if you have not already, you will hear that this stillness or this contemplation of being able to sit in the presence of God, you're giving up effort, or you are being passive, or you're lazy. No, this is one of the misunderstandings. Because if you're saying that that's the case of what we're doing, you're saying that Jesus gave up effort, Jesus was passive, Jesus was lazy, and you're also saying that all the way through the Hebrew scriptures, from Genesis all the way through, you're saying up until Revelation that people operated from passivity and laziness. No, no, no. It's time to get this distortion, it's time to allow our minds to be illuminated, it's time that our hearts will be able to receive truth. Because here's the key that I want to bring out here because some of the most active, sacrificial, costly love that has ever been expressed in human history has come from people who are fully rooted in agapitos, in their belovedness in God. Well, let's go back to the very beginning of it. Think of Jesus washing feet on the night of his crucifixion, knowing what was coming. Are y'all ready for this, man? He knew what was coming, and Jesus chose to wash feet, knowing

Jesus Shows Free Costly Love

Donald E Coleman 30:01

that Judas, the one that was gonna betray him, was right at the table. Knowing that Peter, the one that he he was close with, would deny him before dawn. That was not easy love, but it was free, it was unconditional agape. It did not cost him his identity. Why? Because it flowed from it. Yoga, grab that, grab a hold of that. It did not cost Jesus his identity because it flowed from him in the same way. It does not and it should not cost us our identity because it's going to, it flows from us, and it may not feel like it's flowing from us now because we may not be full to the brim. Just stay the course, just keep living daily for Christ. And the more you become intentional and the more you become attentive and acknowledge the presence of God in all things, you're gonna start to see that agape is gonna start to be flowing out of you, and you're not gonna even recognize that it's flowing. I I want to say this to you. Let me let me pause here right now because I thought about this, and I do a lot of in my prayer time, and I would just call this in my my centering prayer time, my contemporary prayer time. I have a prayer that I say now throughout the day. I only start, I started out saying it before I went into prayer, but now I say it consistently throughout the day, and I want to pass that on to you. And it's the prayer of consent,

The Prayer Of Consent

Donald E Coleman 31:47

and it's a simple prayer. Father, I consent to your presence in action within. So think about that in every situation. Father, I consent to your presence in action within. I just want you to hold on to that prayer. I'm gonna that's yep, let that settle. Because, see, consent means I'm letting go. And we know that letting go is kenosis. That is Philippians 2, 5 through 7, the spiritual act of worship that Jesus did. He modeled it for us to live it, willingly letting go. I hope you got that. More to come on that one. And I want to hear more about how that prayer of consent, Father, I consent to your presence in action within. How that prayer, starting today or starting today that you listen to this episode, what effect does that prayer have on your ability to live from your belovedness? Want you to just grab a hold of that. Now, beloved self-doing has several distinguishing qualities that sets it apart from the protective self. And I want you to understand this is not a checklist. I can't go through all of it, and it's not a checklist to achieve. Do you see? Because the protective self

Marks Of Beloved Love In Life

Donald E Coleman 33:31

would then put it into a performance model that you need to achieve something. That's not where we're going. But it this serves as descriptions of what naturally emerges from the beloved self is genuine, agapetose is genuinely received. Here, first point we or agapetose gives without needing a return. And I know you've experienced that before where you gave out of yourself and you didn't want anything back in return. And here's the key: it's not because it is indifference to relationship, but because it's sense the worth is not contingent on a response it receives. Say, I want you to get that. The sense of worth is not contingent on the response it receives. Hold on to that. So agapetose, let me just put this in front. Agapitos gives without needing a return. So when I say it, I'm saying living from our belovedness is what flows out of this. The next one is it can receive as freely as it gives. This is a big one, y'all. This is so huge. Because here's what I mean by this: the protective self struggles to receive or struggles with receiving. Why? Because receiving requires vulnerability, and vulnerability feels dangerous when identity is insecure. Just let that settle. But the beloved self receives graciously because it is already accustomed to being held. This is one of the most powerful things. And then this is why I talk about centering prayer, because you learn in centering prayer how to let go, how not to hold on to things because you're because you're there in presence. So you're letting go for what purpose? To be present with God, to receive from God in wordless communication. And you're gonna find that doing centering prayer over time, you're expanding your ability to receive. And this is one of the most beautiful fruits that I have noticed in my life, and others have noticed in me. And there are times now where receiving means not saying a word. Oh, I want you to really just let this set in. This isn't one of those episodes you're gonna want to pin and you want to come back to this one because this is this is powerful stuff. Now, next point it can be present in suffering without being consumed by it. I just want you to grab that. Or I want to say suffering here, yes, but also discomfort when the environment is uncomfortable. And let me explain to you this. Watch this

Staying Present In Suffering

Donald E Coleman 37:36

now, because Jesus wept at Lazarus' tomb, but he was also fully present in grief, not managing it from a distance. See, beloved self-doing can sit with the pain, hold the space for the broken, and remain because it is anchored in something that suffering cannot reach. I want to take a moment here to read something to you that in my centering prayer yesterday, uh group centering prayer, this was read, and it's by James Finley, and it is from ripening in one. And let me read this for you because now just just if you can close your eyes and just listen to these words before I move on, and just listen for a word or a phrase that grabs you and hold on to it. The lifelong process of ripening brings about a corresponding ripening of our ability to understand the fundamentals in a wiser, peace-giving manner. For example, when people who believe in God go through painful experiences, they are troubled. They say, if God watches over me, how could God let this happen to me? This is such an understandable response to suffering in the life of those who trust and believe in God's providential care. However, as a person ripens in unsayable intimacy with God, they ripen in a paradoxical wisdom. They come to understand God as a presence that protects us from nothing, even as God's unexplainable sustains us in all things. This is the mystery of the cross that reveals whatever it means that God watches over us. It does not mean that God prevents the tragic thing, the cruel thing, the unfair thing from happening. Rather, it means that God is intimately hidden as a kind of profound, tender sweetness that flows and carries us along in this intimate depths of the tragic thing itself and will continue to do so in every moment of our lives up to and through death and beyond. Now, doesn't that tie directly in to it can present in suffering? I'm sorry, it can be present in suffering without being consumed. Why? Because it's not us. We are living from the agape that has been received through agapitos, has been formed and shaped in us through agapitan, and now agapeo is flowing out of us. It has nothing to do with us. The protective self is not present. Now here's another one, it sustains itself through return. The beloved self, agapitos, sustains itself through return, not through output management.

Return To The Source Of Love

Donald E Coleman 42:22

Return, remember, the pause coming back. The beloved self does not manage its energy carefully to avoid burnout. Nope. It is attentive, it's intentional, it returns regularly, intentionally to the source of agape, and from that returning, the beloved self finds itself full again, ready to give again, not from obligation, but from genuine overflow. Let me say this. I just heard this. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Some of you listening to this episode right now are at this place where you're you're managing your energy to avoid burnout. And that is what the protective self has taught you how to do to sustain yourself. But this is the invitation that God is inviting you to. And to learn to live from belovedness, from our gapitos, that you may be filled by an eternal filling that has nothing to do with your strength, your power, your knowledge, your wisdom. It is by the grace of God that comes to fill you. Whoever you are, it's your invitation. Last next point, I don't want to say last, but the next point here is beloved self loves difficult people without losing itself. Oh, I know that. This one. And again, if we're not there, what am I telling you? I'm showing you what the fruits are when you start living from this place. And you're not going to live from this place in your own strength. The Holy Spirit is going to teach you and empower you how to do this. But to love the difficult person without losing yourself. Now, I want you for a moment to imagine, get that difficult person, that person right now, just picture them right in front of you. Picture them there. Ready? And let me read this to you. Because this is what is available. This is perhaps the most practical test of beloved self-doing. Can I love you when you are difficult? Not by suppressing my own pain, not by pretending the difficulty does not exist, but by returning first to the Father and then bringing agape towards you. And I've been saying it this way: holding space for unconditional love. This is a Gapow in John twenty one. This is agape pursuing Peter after the denial. Not from an a what's the word? An erasing of the womb, but from a love that was larger than the womb. You got that? Not from a place of trying to erase the womb, but from a place where agape, where the love is larger or greater than the womb. Now, the path of return. How we move from protective to beloved. And I just want to point out some of these things. And this might be a longer episode, but I want to get this to you now.

The Rhythm That Loosens The Grip

Donald E Coleman 46:52

I want to be very clear about what the path from protective self and beloved self doing is not. Want to make sure I'm very clear what it's not. It's not trying harder to love differently. No. It's not shaming yourself into better behavior. It's not operating in willpower or willfulness. All of those approaches are themselves expressions of the protective self, trying through effort to secure an identity that must be received, not achieved. The path is return. And return is always and only return. There's no other way but to constantly keep going back to the return, the pause and return. Return to agape, to the source, to the unearned, unconditional, sustaining love that has never stopped flowing towards you. Return to agape tos, to the identity, to the declared belovedness that existed before you first, before your first act of service, and will exist after your last. Return to the Father's voice, return home to the specific personal declaration that you are not what you do. You are who you are love to be. And here's the key: this return is not a one-time event. It is a sacred rhythm. The very rhythm Jesus modeled when he withdrew to lonely places, when he prayed in the early mornings, when he went up to the mountain after the feeding the five thousand, not because he had forgotten, but because returning is how you stay rooted. And each time we return, each time we enter the interroom, the inner room, and sit in the silence and let the Father's love speak louder than our performance, the protective self loosens its grip a little more, not by force, by saturation. The protective self cannot maintain its hold in our hearts or in our soul that is regularly and honestly soaked in agape. I want you to get that. The protective self cannot maintain its hold in our soul or a heart that is regularly and honestly soaked in agape. Formation is not a replacement of the protective self through willpower, it is the gradual displacement of the protective self by a deepening reality of agapitos of our belovedness. And I want you to just sit with this. There's been a lot here, and I don't I don't want to overwhelm you, but I want you to sit with everything that has been spoken here, and I'll pick it up in the next episode. I'll finish it off with whatever is needed, and we'll go into a contemplative pause.

Settle In And Closing Pause

Donald E Coleman 51:31

But I just want you to settle into this.